Slope initially began as a blog, so this is where most of the website’s content resides. Here we have tens of thousands of posts dating back over a decade. These are listed in reverse chronological order. Click on any category icon below to see posts tagged with that particular subject, or click on a word in the category cloud on the right side of the screen for more specific choices.
I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of Slope.
Five years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, began shorting the market. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of bears who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.
I'll only do this once, I promise – – but for those Slopers who are deeply committed, understanding the lyrics to our new theme song seems like important information. So here's my guide for you:
The song begins with Elder Cunningham in a state of distress. His mission companion, Elder Price – the golden boy of the Mormons – has ditched him in Uganda, and Cunningham is left to fend for himself. This is bad, because not only is he really insecure, but he hasn't even bothered reading The Book of Mormon (he finds it too boring).
Elder Cunningham's world resolves around such things as Star Trek, Star Wars, and The Hobbit, so as he starts to try to teach the Ugandans, he relies on making things up (instead of citing actual scripture) based largely on his favorite stories.
So as the song begins, Elder Cunningham realizes that, all alone, it's up to him to have the strength to carry the mission forward, even though his idol Elder Price left him high and dry.
What did Jesus do when they sentenced him to die? Did he try to run away? Did he just break down and cry? No, Jesus dug down deep, knowing what he had to do. When faced with his own death, Jesus knew that he had to….Man up, he had to man up….So he crawled up on that cross, and he stuck it out. And he manned up, Christ, he manned up…..And taught us all what real manning up is about….
As you listen to the song, this is when the beat kicks in, representing his firming confidence. Elder Cunningham's ignorance of all things Biblical is even revealed when he states he is "crossing the bear" (as opposed to bearing the cross, the more common expression):
And now it's up to me, and it's time to man up. Jesus had his time to, now it's mine to man up. I'm taking the reins, I'm crossing the bear. And just like Jesus, I'm growing a pair. I've gotta stand up, can't just clam up, it's time to man up. 'Cause there's a time in your life when you know you've got to man up. Don't let it pass you by there's just one time to man up. Watch me man up like nobody else! I'm gonna man up all over myself! I've got to get ready, it's time to, time taaaaaa
And now he's rockin':
What did Jesus do when they put nails through his hands? Did he scream like a girl, or did he take it like a man? When someone had to die to save us from our sins, Jesus said, "I'll do it" and he took it on the chin. He manned up, and manned u-u-up. He took a bullet for me and you That's man up, real man up And now it's my time to do it too!
You can't tell from the song, but in the next verse, the conductor hands him a sword, and he slays a monster on the left side of the stage ("slay the monster"), then the conductor hands him a light sabre, and he strikes down Darth Vader who emerges from stage right ("you're not my Father!"):
Time to be a hero and slay the monster. Time to battle darkness, you're not my Father! I wanna time ta, just watch me go. Time ta stand up and steal the show Time ta, mine ta, time ta, time ta, time ta!
Now we get a brief reprise of the ballad sung earlier in the Act: "Sal Tlay Ka Siti" – this is a beautiful song sung by the female lead of the show. The Ugandans have been told of a paradise called "Salt Lake City" (which they Africanize as "Sal Tlay Ka Siti").
Sal Tlay Ka Siti……A place of hope and joy (Man up!) And if we want to go there, we just have to follow that white boy (Time ta!)
And to finish out the trio (this is, after all, the medley ending the first act) is Elder Price, who is begging God yet again to be sent to his dream town, Orlando, the home of Sea World, Disney, and golfing. The "text" the Ugandans are referring to are simply messages being banged out on an old typewriter, since that's their understanding of what "texting" must be:
Heavenly Father, why do you let bad things happen? (Ka-lay-ka Siti – Did you get my text?) More to the point, why do you let bad things happen to me? (Ka-lay-ka Siti, we got your text) I'm sure you don't think I'm a flake (Man up!) Because you've clearly made a mistake (Turn it off!) I'm going where you need me most, Orlando (Orlando!)
And now it's all woven together:
We will listen to the fat white guy (My time to, time to Now it's my time to, time ta) But Hasa Diga Eebowai (No time to, not time to Now it's time to, time to) Huh! I'm in the lead for the very first time (Time ta) I'm going where the sun always shines (Shines ta) I've got to stand up, get my flippin' can up it's time to, time to man up
Absolutely magical! Play the song in the background and follow along with the lyrics…..
Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Hay ya ya) Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Hay ya ya) Sal Tlay Ka Siti Orlando, Orlando I'm coming Sal Tlay Ka Siti (Hay ya ya) Sal Tlay Ka SitiIt is time taaaaaa
Ending, of course, with……
I have maggots in my scrotum!
Bam! The lesson ends here.
If you're like most Americans, you hadn't heard of James Stockdale until he showed up for the 1992 Vice Presidential debates and made this famous line:
Afterwards, he became the butt of jokes and was basically portrayed as a dottering old man. He and Ross Perot captured nearly 20% of the vote, in spite of being a third party ticket, and the nation soon stopped talking about Admiral Stockdale.
I hadn't thought of him for years, but last night I happened to trip across an article about the man, and I was amazed. He suffered through unspeakable horrors as a prisoner of war and, in all that time, he showed strength, resolve, and character that I imagine 99.9999% of the population lack. The guy had brass balls, pure and simple, and he was awarded the Medal of Honor for his courage.
Read on:
Stockdale was held as a prisoner of war in the Hoa Lo prison for the next seven years. Locked in leg irons in a bath stall, he was routinely tortured and beaten. When told by his captors that he was to be paraded in public, Stockdale slit his scalp with a razor to purposely disfigure himself so that his captors could not use him as propaganda. When they covered his head with a hat, he beat himself with a stool until his face was swollen beyond recognition. When Stockdale was discovered with information that could implicate his friends' "black activities", he slit his wrists so they could not torture him into confession.
One can only imagine fellow VP-debate-participant Dan Quayle's behavior in such a circumstance. Once they mussed his hair, it would probably be all over. To continue:
Stockdale was part of a group of about eleven prisoners known as the "Alcatraz Gang": George Thomas Coker, George McKnight, Jeremiah Denton, Harry Jenkins, Sam Johnson, James Mulligan, Howard Rutledge, Robert Shumaker, Ronald Storz and Nels Tanner; which was separated from other captives and placed in solitary confinement for their leadership in resisting their captors. "Alcatraz" was a special facility in a courtyard behind the North Vietnamese Ministry of National Defense, located about one mile away from Hoa Lo Prison. In Alcatraz, each of the eleven men were kept in solitary confinement in cells measuring 3 feet by 9 feet with a light bulb which was kept on around the clock. The men were locked in leg irons each night
What amazed me the most is what Stockdale said in reflection:
"I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."
Now here's the important part……when asked about who died during captivity, he replied:
"Oh, that's easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart."
And then, finally, the most important part of all, which you might want to read ten times to yourself:
"This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
I hope the departed Admiral will forgive me for using his words as an inspiration for traders – – or anyone undergoing a challenge – – but these are some of the most inspiring words I've ever read.
Thank you, Admiral Stockdale, for everything you did. I promise that those old jokes tossed around in the 1990s about you are no longer funny anymore. You were a great man.
Oh, and just to add icing to the cake. His name was James Bond Stockdale.
What a bad-ass.
