As time goes on, I’m starting to feel more and more like an ancient relic. The kinds of things I participated in as a child seem incredibly dated and impossible now.

For instance, before my illustrious career in Boy Scouts (Eagle at 13, thank you very much), and before Cub Scouts, I was in this thing called Indian Guides which, had it been allowed to exist until this day, would have been torched as a serious, serious case of unchecked cultural appropriation. I mean, honestly, it was a bunch of white guys wearing headdresses and feathers.